The Trials And Tribulations Of All-You-Can-Eat Restaurants

Picture the scene. As much food as you can muster. Unlimited portions. Bit of this, bit of that. Some more of this, some more of that. “Another plate of sushi – don’t mind if I do!”

One problem.

It’s not just you. It’s everyone in the restaurant. All at once.

The premise of the all-you-can-eat restaurant is simple: eat as much food as you possibly can in your sitting, all for a set price.

Simple enough to navigate, one would think.

But, alas, it never quite seems to work out as smoothly as it should.

A major problem often encountered is where to start. Respect traditional dining etiquette and begin with a small starter to set the taste-buds tingling? Forget all that and go straight for the most enticing, filling, exotic dish available? Or – for the hipsters amongst us – go all out and delve into the luscious desserts before working your way back Benjamin Button style to the appetisers?

Implementing the correct strategy is a very tactical process, and takes several moments of meticulous planning before one should unleash themselves on the array of food at their mercy.

A valid argument dismissing the need for a rigid, set-in-stone three-course sequence goes something like this: why waste time on sub-sized, underwhelming edamame/seaweed/nachos, when piles of delicious, wholesome sweet-and-sour chicken/teriyaki beef/peri-peri chicken is just sitting there waiting to be gobbled up?

If one is to maximise the fantastic opportunities created by this particular style of dining, they must act with the kind of expansive imagination mirrored only by modern-day street artists.

One must be ruthless to the max. This involves immediately dismissing all sub-par gourmet options, showing no sense of remorse whatsoever. After all, who goes to an exotic all-you-can-eat to have chicken nuggets and chips?! Any standard, run-of-the-mill dishes must be immediately and cold-heartedly disregarded, and replaced by scrumptious Mediterranean delicacies, the likes of which were seemingly only available several thousand miles away.

Upon approaching the buffet, any seasoned all-you-can-eater worth their salt will immediately be frantically searching to come up with the most delicious food concoction possible.

Peri-peri chicken thighs with a side of egg fried rice. Beef in black bean sauce complemented by a portion of vegetable dumplings. Yakisoba alongside sirloin steak.

The possibilities are endless!

For all intents and purposes, all health and diet plans go out the window as soon as one walks through the door of the restaurant. If you want salad and rice…stay at home. If you want every meat known to man, polished with the thickest, sloppiest BBQ sauce available…come on in!

However, this is all very well and good, but if you can’t even get to the food you most desire, then it kind of defeats the object. Inevitably, the item of food you yearn for the most will be hidden out-of-sight behind a queue of several hungry rivals. After all, if it’s worth having, others will want it too. After an eternity, one will reach the front of the queue only to find that oh-so-delicious dish all finished.

Consequently, one must ensure their most desired food is immediately targeted, approached, and demolished – before any other proactive diner can act. Leave them starving in your wake.

So, there you have it. The complete guide of how to avoid the pitfalls of dining disappointment, and emerge from the all-you-can-eat restaurant having eaten all you can eat, of everything you could possibly want to eat.

DW

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